Checkin' in after not partaking in the Turkey Shuffle

I'm slowly, but surely, coming to the realization that endless fun travel is not in the cards for us this first year or so abroad. It's tough not to keep up with all of my colleagues travels abroad. True, many of them are young and single and pretty much debt free, but even the older cohort (which I may be part of?) is still getting out and about. When you hear of people running off to Malaysia (truly Asia?), Burma, Cambodia, or London (ah, London) it's tough not to feel a bit jealous and/or the need to keep up. Of course, I say this having just a few months ago run off for a last-minute beach week in Thailand. So feel free to have no pity on me/us.

It does sting a bit to see pictures of friends/colleagues celebrating Thanksgiving weekend together, especially ones whom we might have joined but were either encouraged not to (not enough room in the inn) or simply chose not to. Life is different now with a family I guess - although not as much as you might think. There is a general need amongst FSO's to spend Turkey day together, relaxing and having fun. Or maybe it's an excuse to visit each other. Either way, I'm calling it the FSO Turkey Day Shuffle and I'm more than a bit jealous seeing Facebook pics of friends celebrating together around the world.

Work of late is starting to kick me in the arse, and I'm not sure I'm keeping up as much as I had previously. I'm still enjoying the job and working my tail off, but the list of things I need to do just seems to get longer and longer. Tonight I brought home a speech to write for one of my bosses. I'm also drafting my first cable. In a few years time I may not blink at such exercises, but as a newbie I want to do a good job.  So between extensive programming, greater workloads, new tasks - work is giving me all I can handle right now. Of course, I'm choosing to write a blog post instead of draft either of my "homework assignments" so those of you who've known me since college will note that nothing about me has changed in this respect. Maybe that's part of my problem? In my defense, I've already reviewed my homework and spent 45 minutes studying Bulgarian. 

On the flip side, I think RR is getting better and better at her job - even if she still feels a bit overwhelmed. I'm quite proud of her and the job she's doing. She's not one to toot her own horn or rush out to try and make someone take notice of her, but she a true professional in that she does her best at everything she tries and rarely makes the same mistake twice. I get the feeling by the end of our two years here, she'll be the go to person in her department and efficiently juggling a number of roles outside her normal purview. 

NJ continues to amaze - which surprises no one. Cute story #1: yesterday he grabbed a hand towel and started cleaning/wiping the floor. Very methodically, I might add. He even did it long enough for us to get a video or two. Cute story #2: He was quite hungry the other day and asked us for food by leading us by the hand to the kitchen, as is his habit of late. RR was preparing a bottle of milk for him, but left the fridge open whilst she did. When the fridge started making it's normal music to let us know it was open, NJ left RR's side (and the food), walked over to the fridge and closed the door before returning to her and the food - all without RR saying a word. Yup, my 14-month old son continues to amaze me in the smallest and most wonderful ways.

All our stuff is finally here in Guangzhou. We even have the majority of it unpacked. Whilst it's good to have all our stuff, we have all our stuff. We'd gotten used to having less things around over the past three months and now life feels a bit cluttered again. So we've begun throwing away some things. Yes, that means we've shipped a bunch of stuff from America to China in order to throw it away. I'm not sure that was the most efficient use of everyone's tax dollars. But on the plus side, we're catching this early and won't be shipping it on the next 10+ moves we'll make.

That it. No great moral to the story. Just a bit of what's going on this side of the Pearl River.

To thine own self...

There is much that I could post - much that is going on. Our UAB arrived 8 days ago and our HHE is coming this upcoming Friday. This means we'll finally have all our stuff in one place for the first time in 3 months. RR has started work and is as professionally happy as I've ever seen her, albeit a bit overwhelmed and missing NJ terribly. Progress continues on the issues raised in my last post. NJ is doing amazing things every day, my favorite moments are those times I get to wake him up from a nap and he just holds me tight as I sing to him. There a just no words for how it feels. Work is keeping me busy in ways I never imagined, but I think I'm doing a decent job most days.

Yet, none of this has received a post. I have refrained from writing as much as I've hoped and wanted for a number of reasons.

First, whilst I publish under a pseudonym of MJ, most who likely pass through this way are here because they're friends of mine and I've advertised this space. It's a weird dichotomy that I have going - wanting to keep a journal so I can somehow capture personal moments in order to look back and remember it with better clarity versus sharing my thoughts, feelings and experiences with those whom I might call friend. Yet by sharing this place with people, I feel like I must sensor myself - my thoughts and my feelings.

Second, it's not just me writing anymore. I have an editor - although she's not likely to approve this before it's published. While I have an idea of what I want and why I'm doing this - she's much more private and reserved. She feels discretion is of utmost importance - something I honestly should learn given my line of work.

Third, I'm limited in what I can say here due to my work. Whilst I would love to expound on the thoughts I have on International Relations, on the big picture issues of the day, where the world is going - I unfortunately cannot. I am a vociferous reader of news and analysis. I have regularly come to conclusions about world events on my own only to find reputable international publications coming to the same conclusions months later. I detest conventional wisdom and find those who adhere to it intellectually lazy.  There is a curse in working in IR in the fashion that I do - I live, breath, and eat this stuff, but can't comment on it.

Forth, I am just running out of time. No, that's a lie. While I am busier than I ever have been - I have time. I just choose to use what time I have to myself 'relaxing' plopping myself down in front of the TV or computer. I work long hours - often through lunch. I try to leave for home at a normal time so I get some time with NJ. I usually get somewhere between 90-120 minutes a day with my son. If I don't make it home by a certain point, however, I don't get any. It takes an effort to make time to write this.

I can list other reasons, but they all pretty much boil down to either the difficulty I have being fully honest in this space and writing what I want or finding the time to write. I don't think I'll ever find a good solution for either of those problems.

I will, however, take this chance to open up a bit and share something. Something I'm feeling, something I've long wrestled sharing with people. In Hamlet (Act 1 Scene 3) Polonius gives Laertes some famous advice:

"This above all - to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."

I've long held that knowing who you are and who you want to be is just as important as knowing what you want to do in life. I've often counseled students or other people to try and figure this out in order to find happiness in their life. Everyone has advice they give to people, this was mine. I've long had an idea of what type of person I strive to be. I once typed out a list and framed it. That list has travelled with me and hung on my walls for over 15 years. Before joining Peace Corps and Bulgaria, I realized my life was about to change so I thought about those parts of me - those values - I did not want to change.

So in many ways, I know the ideal of who I want to be. This also leads to a greater understanding of where I fail - my faults.  For me, Polonius' advice is easy on the surface. I know what I strive for, I often know where I fail.

It doesn't take into account, however, the impact of trying (and failing) to live up to a set of ideals on those around me; nor the impact of my personality on those around me. Being true to myself means that I am likely not going to have some of the things that I've desired most in life - some of the things I've longed for since childhood. I've been wrestling with this problem for quite a while now. I know that holding to my ideals and truly being myself means that I will have to give up other things. You would think that would be an easy choice, but for me it's not. For me, it causes a good bit of thought and concern. It's been on my mind a lot lately.

While lacking specificity, that's a bit from the personal side. I'll let it out on the blog and see how it sits. Hopefully sharing this feels right after a few days, maybe it'll lead to more posts. I really should get more up on my work, my life, and my thoughts. Let's hope this post breaks the dam a bit. Please excuse any typos - I'm writing this straight to the blog without prepping it or editing.

The Best Laid Plans…

I am at my personal best when coming up with a plan and implementing it. I’m where I’m at today because I can come up with a grand plan and carry it out well. A little over a decade ago, I realized I was rather unhappy with the trajectory of my life. Something – many things - needed to change

After more than a bit of soul searching, long conversations with friends and family, and a bit of research I came up with a 7-year plan to set a new course for my future. I set firm and achievable goals. I took an honest assessment of my attributes and built them up whilst simultaneously working to address those things holding me back. My plan was incremental with benchmarks along the way, but also with the flexibility to not lock me into something that wasn’t working.

And 7 years later, I not only achieved everything I set out for but also managed to find the love of my life. Although it would be another few years before I found my current job, I was already well on the road to getting here.

Which brings me to the present day. The previous kind of radical changes are gone for the time being – it’s hard to make such changes when you have others to consider. RR and NJ are just too important to me. Now is the time in my life to build up a sturdy foundation and, to a certain extent, prepare for what comes next. This means there are a few differences. First, it’s not just me working towards these goals – RR’s help and support allow us reach our goals more quickly. The second difference, the timeframe is much shorter. Although we should know where we’ll be spending 2016-18 sometime early next summer (weird, huh!), our hope is to leave Guangzhou with two main personal goals accomplished.

Our number one goal is to solidify our financial foundation. A few years ago RR & I taught a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace course through my church. The course advocates a fairly straightforward course of action:

Give back – Give back to your community, specifically your Church (tithe). This sets priorities in your life.

Pay off debt – pretty self explanatory, debt = bad.

Build Savings – 6-9 month Emergency Fund, Retirement, children’s college and (eventually) Investments

Get Insurance – Health, Life, Long-term care, etc.

Legal Docs – Wills, Power of Attorney, etc.

We haven’t done badly since this course, but we still have some student loans from me and on the flip-side we would like to increase our savings and to start preparing for NJ’s college. I’d also like to start giving more.

Our second goal is to get healthy. To be completely honest, I presently weigh about 50 lbs more than I did when I was in Peace Corps just 7 years ago. I carry that weight relatively well due to my build, but I really need to not only lose that weight, but another 10-15 lbs beyond that. I’m of an age that I have to get serious about this (although when isn’t a good age to take this serious?). I’ve been working with RR on it.

My plan is two-fold. First, I have been doing the Fast Diet, which you really should check out if you haven’t heard of it before (Google it!). It’s something I hope to employ for the rest of my life. The general concept is that you limit your calories to ¼ of your normal recommended intake (~600 calories for an adult male) once or twice a week. If you want to lose weight, you limit yourself two times per week (or three if you are ambitious). The other days you eat whatever you’d like or normally would. If you’re maintaining weight, just do it once per week. A number of studies have shown that limiting your caloric intake at least once per week also has beneficial internal knock-on effects such as lower blood sugar levels, cholesterol, etc. I’ve lost about 20 lbs since July even though I couldn’t follow the diet for about 6 weeks due to moving.

The second thing I’m doing is trying to fit regular exercise into my schedule. There’s an indoor pool adjacent to my building that I’ve gone to a few times already. There are also two workout rooms that I can use. I’ve even considered getting a bike to ride to work, although I’m a bit put off by the pollution and heat/humidity.

I’ve started keeping a record of when we fast, how often I work out, and my daily weight.  The dork in me has turned it into an Excel spreadsheet with accompanying graph. I can just say I like the trend line, although I need to work out more.

This past week, RR started working at the Consulate. We also have an Ayi who has made realizing these goals a possibility – she deserves a post all her own at some point. I’m starting to get the hang of my job and all the craziness that it entails. Routines are being established. These goals may not seem particularly exciting, but they will set up the rest of our lives. Yes, we will still make time to travel and do some fun and amazing things – we’ve never been to Asia before after all. But we’ve decided these next two years are going to set up that which is next in our lives.

But I’ve got a plan again, and I’m excited about it.

Finally, Arrival! ::or:: “Welcome to the land of the foreign baby admiration club”

So, it’s better to be a few weeks late than never. I’m finally getting around to writing this post.  We arrived in China a few weeks ago and passed through Beijing to giving me a chance to meet some people as well as to let us play tourist.

My first impression of Beijing was that it’s just huge.  Our first full day in Beijing we had the chance to go see Tiananmen and the Forbidden City. We didn’t know it at the time, but we had the perfect day for sightseeing.  The air pollution was low that day and the sky was blue as can be.

The Forbidden City really brought about the magnitude of China to me in multiple ways. First, it has a remarkable history that stretches back in time. Second, the space it occupies is just ginormous, as can be seen in some of these pictures. But what truly impressed me was the ability of what amounts to tens of thousands of tourists to pass through its gates on an hourly basis on a random Tuesday in September. I thought we were crazy initially when crossing the bridge into the City shoulder to shoulder with Chinese admirers in a steady march all snapping pictures of the portrait of Mao.  And then it opened up into football fields of space that even the endless stream of tourists couldn’t fill.

We also had the chance to travel up to the Great Wall with a good friend from my months of Mandarin training. Even an hour outside of the city, the winds had changed from the day before and the pollution was noticeable.  Word of advice to anyone going to the Great Wall: get there early – as in when it opens up in the morning. We enjoyed having the wall largely to ourselves and some other early-bird hikers. Heck, we even got there before the nick-knack sellers showed up. It was quite the shock coming down off the cable car that connects the lower town parking area to the wall. What had been a clear, albeit, steep path was now wall-to-wall salespeople pleading with us to buy their wares.

By the time our plane took off the following day, the pollution in the city was so bad we couldn’t see across the tarmac at the airport and the plane was delayed taking off, we were told, because they were trying to find an acceptable runway. In the three weeks since arriving, the conditions in Guangzhou haven’t even come close to what we experienced our second day in Beijing. We feel quite lucky.

In retrospect, there was one more thing that stands out from our first few days in China. The people in Beijing were completely enamored with NJ. Now, it must be known that NJ is a beautiful baby boy (I’m not biased at all). He also has the knack for connecting with people. He knows just the right moment to smile at a stranger, to wave at a random burly man, or giggle at an old lady. Our pediatrician said it was like he is always flirting. I think it’s related to the fact he perpetually seems as if on the cusp of a broad, warm smile.

But his outgoing personality doesn’t explain the near constant attention he garnered whilst in Beijing. People smiled and waved. Some self-aware people tried to covertly snap cellphone pictures so we wouldn’t notice. Others simply stopped stared and then whipped out their cellphone to get the shot. Armed guards broke their strict stance to smile and wave. If we stood still too long, parents brought their children – regardless of age – up for a posed picture with NJ. Brazen women both young and old tried to take him from his stroller or from our arms (note: this never felt threatening, but it was awkward). I’m not sure what it was about Beijing, but we have not experienced the same level of NJ admiration in Guangzhou. It’s closer to the same level we got back in Washington.

Finally, a housekeeping note: Honestly keeping this blog up might be a bit more difficult than we’d expected. It’s not because of lack of writing, although I need to get into a regular habit of writing (and so does RR). It has more to do with spotty Internet we’ve faced, something I didn’t expect to be as big of a problem as it’s turned out to be. Stay tuned – there’ll be a few more posts over the next few days at least.

Everything has a beginning...

Everything has a beginning and this is the start of a new chapter in our life. I am a U.S. Foreign Service Officer on the cusp of heading out to my first assignment to Guangzhou, China. Accompanying me are my wife, known here as RR, and my nearly one year old son, known here on the blog as NJ. The hope is that RR will join me here in chronicling the next few years or more... 

 I've had blogs in the past and understand the work that sometimes goes into keeping them up. But I also know how much I appreciate reading through old passages, looking at pictures, and seeing just how life changes. My personal hope is that both RR and I can create a space where we get to share our experiences, thoughts, and those parts of life that make it all worthwhile. 

But for this post, I just want to focus on a brief introduction and the excitement I feel as we are nearly ready to start this new life. It's been a long journey to get here, much longer in many ways than I ever anticipated. I've known for over half my life that I wanted to do some sort of international work. I just didn't know what type of work. This has led me to wander a bit and create a bit of an eclectic background. But it's one that I've enjoyed for the most part and one that has allowed me to become the person I am today. 

So watch this space. Hopefully over the next few days I (and maybe RR) will start to share what's going on as we get ready to leave, give a bit more background on our lives, and fill in a bit of the nooks and crannies of this blog.